Tasty Love Thoughts Salad

That is  my mind at the moment.

There is so much I want to write about, but somehow I don't find the way to get it all in order, sit down and  put into words all my thoughts.

So, here is a BIG TASTY Salad of miscellaneous love thoughts that come all the way from my warm heart,  my soul and my tangled just waked up mind.

I have been trying to explain to myself why  I feel this deep love for someone I have loved already for some time now and no word could describe my feeling . Any phrase I pronounced in my self talk didn't do any justice to the feeling itself. Imagine that, If I cannot even know how to express it to myself,  how could I explain others or even my beloved?

Then of course, Love doesn't need to be explained or labeled into a nice cute sentence. LOVE is about feelings, LOVE is about thoughts and LOVE is about actions.


 I decided to shift my concern, and think that being able to experience Love at such intensity is the best thing that could happen to me. Knowing I can love deeply makes me smile. I am  full of Love. I cannot keep it to myself, I need to share it, and find the way to let it  flow out of me.


We all Love in different ways, that, I have observed, and so I came to the conclusion that if someone loves me in a different way, it is not worse or  better, It is just different.

Love can not be purchased. Love can not be bargained. Love is not selfish and love doesn't look the other way.
Love expands by itself. It is not tangible. Love has no borders, no terms, no obligations. It just emerges from within, fills up your heart, numbs your mind, and fires up your heart.

It's language is far more advanced than any scientific mind can explain. It is about a silent connection of souls.

Reading what I just spontaneously wrote, made me want to write a love song.. I should try and do that!!!

 LOVE DEEPLY!

Mariana

The Lonely bug

We can either chose to be alone or be surrounded by lots of people. It is a choice we are able to make. This doesn't mean that in any of these scenarios we will necessarily be happy and feel accompanied.

We may feel lonely even when we belong to a group of friends that always stick together, or live in the nest of a home welcoming family.

Solitude is a much deeper feeling that visit us uninvited from within.

We self talk ourselves that maybe we are not comprehended or  we make excuses saying that we are conditioned by some kind of innate craziness. We expect to much of  others and we end up disappointed by them. So then, we just let go of those relationships little by little without saying much. Still, loneliness lurks.

What are our options to avoid this emptiness of feeling the pain of being the Lonely Bug? These are some of my  personal suggestions:

- Love Yourself: When you are at peace with your own self and you enjoy your own company, you probably will never feel lonely again.


"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Oscar Wilde


- Don't Expect from Others: When you expect and then you don't receive what you have expected, this can be really disappointing, thus, the relationship will automatically be affected. We need to learn that we are all different creatures, we came form different experiences, and we see reality with our own filters. It is narrow minded to believe that we will all see things with the same perspective.

" Anger always comes from frustrated expectations" Elliot Larson


- Don't Be Attached: When you are attached to something or someone, you depend on that to fulfill your own needs. By doing this you enable something external to control your own life.Inner harmony can only be reach only when you are free from attachment.

"Grasping at things can only yield one of two results:
Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear.
It is only a matter of which occurs first." Goenka


- Dedicate Time to your hobbies: When you have a hobby or practice and activity with passion, time reference will never be the same. It is one of the best ways to fill in spare time! Many times we leave on the side those things we love the most because we do not have the time or the money to spend. Well, if we quit in our own passions, nothing else will matter and in the end we will feel upset, lonely and disappointed with our own life.
 If you do not know what's your passion yet.. GO AND LOOK FOR IT ASAP!

I find these rules useful to my life, and I consider that if we accomplish my first suggestion, the rest will fall into place...


If you feel a Lonely Bug, well.. that could be somehow great if you find a way to see the beauty in it!

And So it is...

that Life gives us and takes from us on a regular basis. Nothing is completely perfect and it is a challenge to be happy, to feel joyful and grateful every day in spite of the bad things that happen to us.

The way I believe we should walk through  life is by being our own self, connecting with our emotions, getting to know what drive us, what our vulnerabilities and our values are.  Loving ourselves and stop expecting we depend on external things to be happy.

We have everything we need inside of us.

The Cry of Help

When you do not connect to other people's emotions, there is no way you can experience their sadness, or perceive their hard and terrifying experiences. Even though they are sometimes hard to digest, I couldn't go through life not comprehending why others act in a certain way. What is their truth behind their actions, and why some are reaping dislikes, sorrow, bitterness, abandonment and finally walking towards a eventual surrender.

I have seen very closely, the cry of Help. And , it is one of the most saddest moments I have experienced.   I believe that we all have within the power to take control of our lives, the intelligence of finding a way to change the course of our experience. But I can now see clearly, that not everybody has the courage to give such an important step, not everyone has the containment of good people around. The arrival of fear, does not allow any light of faith.

I can understand also, that for some, acknowledging their past actions, their mistakes and bad elections,  it would imply such a deep and agonizing pain, that they would prefer not realizing it at all, mainly because without the strength to move forward and forget the past, they would fall even more into the desperation, guilt and rage and even their beginning of their slow death.

Falling into the darkness of life,the abyss of pain and regret and the comprehension that life itself has been wasted behind the superficial enchantment of  power, money, sex and the abuse of drugs and alcohol  is a stark reality that many prefer not to accept and therefore live in denial, not only harming themselves but those around them.

It is a challenge not to fall in despair when overwhelming situations of life come to us, it is a challenge to accompany others in their sorrow, and a challenge to seek the best for ourselves.  A challenge worthwhile.

I will keep encouraging myself and the people I come across life to follow this path. The road to enlightenment, the way to improve our inner self and the possibility to enjoy fully all the great adventures, moments and marvels that life has to offer us every day.

Sad Songs Say So Much

I found myself meditating about the fact that most of the time I choose sad songs to sing or play in the guitar, and I came to the conclusion that the truth is that my heart has been broken too many times. I have suffered with my existance and often felt out of place, even though I had plenty of resourses to fit in most situations and people groups. Fortunately these feelings didn't create any  bitterness in me. On the contrary, I am  drawn to give love and peace to others.

I believe that all this turmoil and disorientation of my own purpose of living, has always been sublimated with love, passion, faith and the creation of peaceful, memorable moments, and above all, enriched experiences with also deep emotional people. Sometimes I have laughed with myself realizing that I have a special magnet towards deep, complex and emotional perplex humans beings. As the famous quote in Spanish says " Dios Los Cria, ellos se juntan" . Which it can be translated as an old English saying: "Birds of a feather Flock Together"

At some point I can see myself as a quite depressive person, but that it just a side of who I am, being like this helps me connect with other peoples sufferings and also appreciate deeply all the wonders of life.

There is also a great amount of effervescent happiness and whirlwind of joy and fun in my essence, sometimes hard to let it out to enjoy it profoundly.

Hopefully, the day will come, where  I will be able to let go of some essential responsabilities I have today,in order to enjoy fully just being "Me". Finally being free from social ties, and  from playing the game of "Life", to fit in.  I hope, That I can be wise enough to get this done.

In the meantime I will keep enjoying the music and all the emotions that I can express with my singing, I will keep on being spontaneous and authentic and finding the best way to surround myself with people consciously awaken with whom I can feel comfortable and relaxed.

Living the Life of Your Dreams

Once you’ve realize that life can be seen through different eyes, more aware of all that surround us, the experience of living turns out to be magnificent. Every day is a new beginning, a chance to enjoy what comes up to us. The connection between you and the outer world links a series of new unimaginable events. You become oneness with the world and the universe, and you notice that you have a special, unique role in the whole. Your body sensations turn animated, no longer feeling numb.  Our capacity to be surprised increases and you find joy in little things that before couldn’t be appreciated.

So the question is, I imagine; how do we arrive to this state?

First of all I need to advice you that I am not a quitter, when the results I get are not the ones expected, I keep on searching for success. I don’t let frustration invade my passion and determination to achieve that for what I am looking for. There is always a way around things, we need to become creative, using our full potential and all those resources within to get to our goal.

Focus in the Present Moment. It is deeply necessary to move forward from our past and let go of all those expectations we create about our future. As the quote says “The past is no longer here, the future is uncertain, we only have the present moment”. Thus, focusing in what we have NOW is one of the major keys to take into consideration. 

Connect to how you feel. Pay attention to all those emotions that you demonstrate in front of different situations. Get to know you better; who you really are, your desires, your goals, your dreams.

Make a plan. Design your life. Set some achievable short term goals. Those goals will motivate you to keep on making changes for future achievements. Find the purpose on those goals. Why do I want to get to that result? How will it affect my life? How will I feel when I get there?  Be certain about what you will be focusing in.

Put all your energy into that plan. Leave aside whatever interferes with it. Surround yourself with people that will encourage you in that direction and will accompany you with love and generosity.  Get toxic situations or people out of the way.

Trust yourself. You can make it happen. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Live with passion.  When all that you do, you connect to it, and even if there is something in particular that you do not like to do so much, you find a way to enjoy it, it will become easier to cope with it and you will then feel satisfied with the results.

Give.  The way to really feel fulfilled and to get that fuel that helps us keep on moving into our target, is contributing into something that serves the greater good. Do whatever it is in your possibilities to help or assist others.

Adapting these steps in your daily life will definitely get you closer to the life you desire.  It will automatically change your state of mind and you will become happy and at peace. Every day your awareness and positive emotions will increase making you more conscious about all that surrounds you.

Do not lose your drive. You Can Make it Happen.  

Eloping from Solitude

I have experienced in the past the necessity of running away from the solitude of being alone. The pain and discomfort of spending time with me was deep, my heart ached with despair, my mind was tangled with confusion and the loud silence around me harassed my soul. I was indeed going through a rough time and had no peace whatsoever within.

Fortunately those days are over now, and the awareness of getting to know myself and loving me for who I really am, detached the fear of solitude.

It is a sad place to be and I can sense now, that what I felt some others do as well, in a lighter or heavier way than me. For all of you that are going through a similar experience, I say, eloping from it won’t solve the problem. We must embrace and accept our fears and so, give meaning to our own self.

It is often impossible for our minds to understand what purpose certain events have in our life. But there are no random events, all is for a reason, thus being stuck in issues won’t let us be free from them. What happens refers to a suchness of the moment, which is as it is. What we can do is take action and be aligned with what is, the present moment, and forge a nonresistance relationship with it.

I found this wise quote that can pretty much show what it is on my mind today:

“Being solitary is being alone well: being alone luxuriously immersed in doings of your own choice, aware of the fullness of your own presence rather than of the absence of others, because solitude is an achievement.”Alice Koller

Sometimes we decide to go on hilarious trips to change scenery, or fill all our spare time surrounded by people in order to avoid being by our own, or even create an imaginary parallel reality of what is actually going on, this may help at a certain point, but what we really need to focus on is in the advantage of being lonely to connect with ourselves.

The outside silence is an opportunity to hear our inner voice, our needs or emotions. We are so immersed in the madness of the stressful world we live in that we do not stop to see what is going on with our own little private world.

This doesn't mean that by avoiding the world, we will attain clarity and simplicity, but our mind do needs some silent meditation. So if you are in a sad moment, just remain quiet, ease your mind. Discover the harmony in your own being. Embrace it.

The Ultimate Goal

A few days ago I was chatting with a former NLP classmate and he asked me about my ultimate goal in life.
In spite of being quite a deep question, I answered him, what came to my mind in the blink of a secod.

-"When my Life will come to an end I would want to look back and Smile "

Obviously this desired goal leads to a vast variety of independent objectives of my life that in the sum of all of them will represent my ultimate goal.

Once my conversation was over,  I started enumerating to myself which specific situations or achievements would make me reach that aim.  Probably what generalizes my phrase is to Enjoy The Journey through life. But I consider that this could be somehow misunderstood by the listener. Since, this means to me something far more profound.

This is what I came up with, which however, in this dizzying life, constantly evolving, can be sometimes hard to follow rigorously, but definately worth the try.

• Pushing my boundries towards displaying my full potential. ( as a mother, a as woman, as a worker etc)
• Taking a leap of Faith in Me and the people I love
• Living a Meaninful Life ( not just for me, but for others lives too)
• Living according to my values and beliefs.
• Always Moving Forward with courage, passion and a Smile in my face.
• Forgiving Myself for mistakes and forgiving others as well.
• Be open to change, to evolve, to grow to learn constanly.
• Allowing always a space for fun and being the child within myself.
• Allowing myself to be vulnerable.
• Loving and enjoying Life to the fullest.
• Working towards achieving my lifestyle, my personal, family and business goals.

These would be my general guide which Iwill base in order to achieve my ultimate goal someday...

Looking forward to it.. whenever the time is right!

Wondering About LOVE

LOVE, four letters that form this amazing, yet complicated and hard to understand, powerful word.

What does Love means?

What is really to LOVE?

What Happens when we Love?

How do we feel when being Loved?

or Not feeling Loved?

Is it the love for life the same as the love for someone?

How do we really Love?

Why do we expect the love of others to feel complete?

There are so many questions about Love right?

What I do know now, is that the only love that has to be reached first, and be happy about it with no complaint is the love for oneself. The real spiritual self, the soul within the body. With the strengths and weaknesses, to know oneself truly and connect deep inside.

Loving oneself gives us peace and tranquility and the chance to acknowledge and accept our own weaknesses in order to change without feeling harassed by our own egoic fear of not being perfect.

Loving oneself gives us the wisdom to see our virtues and the power to develop them and give others the best we have to offer.

Loving oneself let's us see the beauty in others. All of us are special and unique.

Loving oneself gives freedom to Love sincerely without expecting something in return, as love is within, the love of others will not be needed to fill any emptiness.

Loving oneself gives us more time to give others our own Love, as we no longer spend time pretending to be someone else, performing an act about an "us" that doesn't really exists.

Loving oneself gives us a different perspective towards life and everything that surrounds us. We are able to see through the "eyes of love", thus, our compassion and appreciation of beauty increases greatly.

Loving oneself empower us to encourage others to also love themselves, because we know the feeling is worth it, so we become more generous.

Loving oneself helps us enjoy more this wonderful life.

Loving oneself will eliminate negative talk in our minds, fear, resentment, hate, envy, jealousy, avarice, sadness, and melancholy, and incredible positive emotions that will make our life rich in all aspects will emerge.

Wouldn't you start today to love yourself a bit more?

Stepping Out The Cocoon

Last year I started writing about a few situations that came along with my life, what I have been through and finally a sum of thoughts.

One year later, I feel that that same day I sat in front of my laptop and started typing without any established thoughts, putting down into words what came out of my heart; I was in a way reborn.

The Awakening of my awareness just a little towards LIFE.

With a still limited perspective, as that of a baby who discovers that he can start giving steps towards an unimagined new world .

Today I consider myself as a toddler, with tiny hands reaching out to find knowledge and wisdom within myself, the real Me. Only the truth of who I Am will set me free.

I am in the path of exploring the hidden terrain of my mind. How I act and react to different situations. I know there’s a lot to learn about myself.

I struggle to stay on an emotional balance day to day and it is not at all easy. Finding equilibrium, getting rid of my egoic mind is such a hard work. I am overcome with sadness for days or hours, still, I am putting a great deal of energy in finding the way to manage my emotions in a more efficient way.

I am encouraged to keep on developing my awareness to a new dimension of consciousness, although achieving this may take a very long time

Holding Hands

I was just thinking to myself the relation between achieving my short term goals and self-esteem, and I realized that they are both holding hands.

During that period of my life where I could hardly notice the horizon, and darkness was polluting my days, my strength and motivation towards something healthier gave me the possibility of turning everything around and be free from the crap that I installed around me.

My first goal at that period was "TO CURE MYSELF".

I had my two boys to fight for, they were my engine and I had to drive the best I could.

I remember those sessions with my therapist were I couldn't stand any more pain, and he would recommend me taking some pills. Every time he did that, I would mention him: ¨I do not need pills, I will get cured, I am here to do that, and that is exactly what I am going to do."

My determination helped me get through it and moved me one step forward improving my self esteem since I was now more confident with myself. If I had gone through that hard time and cured myself, there was a lot more I could do, right?

Once sadness and depression left my state, I decided to set some short term goals for my life. At that period they seemed somehow hard to reach, but as I said before, I am positive that nothing is impossible.

One of my goals was to be able to spend holidays with my sons, so I had to work harder. I did, and I realized in the meantime that I was pretty good at my job. Not only I achieved rapidly my goal, but also my self-esteem regarding professional aspects boosted as well.

I have been settleing short and long term goals since then. Personal growth goals, spiritual goals, esthetics goals and so on, many of them reached with success. Every one of them gave me the necessary satisfaction to rise even more my self-esteem.

My mission now is to motivate others accomplish their goals and empower them to build up their self esteem. With some determination and believing in ourselves we are one step ahead in attaining a beter life.

Creating the Dots

I had experienced things in life, where I really didn't t understood what the real purpose of it was. I look back and see I have lived so many different situations and in some of them I just didn't have a clue. I guess, they prepare us for life and new upcoming events, even if they do not have at a present moment a certain defined meaning. Somehow in my case I think I needed to live them in order to grow and learn.

There is always a reason and a blessing.

Moving forward helps me a lot. The past is no longer there, and it will not determinate my future. I build my own life, I choose the steps to follow, and in any case, if something unexpected comes my way, I will try to accommodate, use my mind to understand what goes on, and continue.Not an easy statement to follow when feelings are at stake.

I sometimes convince myself that I shouldn't let go, and I make everything there is in my power to hold on to those emotions that produce such incredible feelings of fulfillment, love and tenderness.

Then I come to my senses and say to myself that I will not get defeated. Even if I feel overwhelmed, a bit scared perhaps or, I stumble a little bit, but none of it will get on my way to continue with the conviction and the profound desire to get the best out of life and not anchoring myself into suffering or resentment.

I have a Cause. Be my true self and give the people I love the best of me.

I have an objective. Lead and manage my life to achieve my goals. For this I need to learn everyday how to be an effective manager!

I have dreams. Some of them could be somehow pretentious, or quite unattainable. But I am positive that nothing is impossible.

All experiences and moments I remember with sympathy, with sadness or with love are the dots I have been creating in my life and the steps that lead me to my present state, in which I feel empowered and proud. No need to feel bad about old mistakes or unresourful actions.

Surely a day will come where I will look back and get the big picture finished.

Wrapping Up With Fanfare

And so it is that the end of this marvelous year is coming to an end. I feel blessed for having so many good moments, experiences and the opportunity that life gave me to cross with many wonderful human beings.

This year I decided to enjoy the small things in life that really count. I reconnected with friends; I organized my schedule to have more quality time with my kids; I was open to meet new interesting people; I started sharing my thoughts and dedicated time to do the things I am passionate about. I tried every day to let myself be free, to enjoy life like crazy, laughing out loud and pouring lots of smiles.

It was a tough year economically because of the international and local crisis, but I didn’t let this be a stone in my road, I new for sure that everything was going to be ok as long as I kept being positive and working hard; like it has been said so many times, with every crisis there is an opportunity, and my opportunity was to have more time to grow spiritually in spite of having to extremely tighten up my expenses.

True love hasn’t yet come to my door, but despite this there are no worries whatsoever. I am positively sure that there is someone especial for me somewhere in the globe and we will meet when ever the time is right.

Folks I feel so happy that I am about to burst. Yet there where some days that I had experienced sad moments that come with life and I didn’t want to ignore, because fortunately, I have the acquired resources to move on, and make of every hard time, a space to learn, to forgive myself and others, and try to see the beauty within.

I feel at peace. Such an incredible feeling, I longed for many years in my past.

For everything I am cheerfully grateful!! And as Life Coach Susan Liddy recommended, here is MY GRATITUDE LIST.

I am thankful for:

- My caring, charming and sweet loving son Sebastian. He brings joy to my life in every sense.

- My merry, gracious, outgoing and sweet loving son Nicolas. He inspires me with his thoughts and his wishes to create things and be a better person.

- My family that is always there for me with their selflessly love.

- My true friends, few but unconditional.

- My life friends, with whom I have laughed, enjoyed, danced, singed and have lots of unforgettable memories.

- My work that I take pleasure in doing it.

- My City that I love and delight me with its parks and architecture.

- My lovers, with whom I have had magic, hectic moments.

- My health

- My past: good or bad, sad or gay, tough or simple.

- My capacity to ask for help and let myself be strong to move on, even when I think I have no longer strength.

- Music, all of it.


I could go on a on naming everything I am grateful for, but now I will take some time to think about my new year’s resolutions, and plan how can I continue my work on being a better person, of helping others and of course trying to let myself BE FREE FROM MYSELF.

Butterfly Strokes

It has been quite a while now, and I have been truly enjoying the pleasures of feeling free, of being independent and of rediscovering the wonders of life. I have been savoring the results of surrounding myself with positive energy, beauty, peace of mind, inner tranquility, love, joy and leaving behind the prejudice, fear , low esteem, and any kind of influence from others.

It is the commitment I have decided to make on a daily basis. As I start everyday with a smile ,being grateful with all I already have, then go through the hours trying to do my best, enjoying, finding solutions wherever any kind of eventual problem arrive, living fully each blessed second, having amusing times and sharing with others my thoughts, accomplishments, dreams, I believe that in a sense, I am trying to encourage others to feel free as well.

Sometimes I guess I sound as if everything I describe seems so very easy to earn, but that is not true, it takes one step at a time, never throwing in the towel and always moving forward. After a while the exercise of letting go of the dark shadows from the past, the already set vices, the remembrance of those days you once felt blissful and seem so far away, will become easier.


Right now I can proudly confess that I am beginning to have control over my own inner and outer life. There is still so much to work on, learn and experience, but I strongly make certain that I am transiting the right path and wow, it feels really amazing.

Learning to live with your new self, your free spirit and your new desire to live profoundly is a road I have never walked through until now.

Friends I carry the need to express my experience through these lines and I have the sincere desire that it will be helpful for those who need positive changes, or have lost their way in the chaos of existence.

Becoming a Free Person

Once we can leave in the past the constant rules that we should be how others expect us to be, that what we like or do or feel need the approval from others, the judgment and the criticism, we can start becoming a free person.

Whether we use crazy outfits, walking through the streets with the look of everyone at us, or dancing believing that we are a famous dancer, or getting in and out of relationships without getting wounded or whatever our choices are, that represent ourselves, we have to feel free to express them. Do not fear. Once we have accomplished this, we will feel inside of us satisfaction, joy and peace.

I have been criticized, censured, disaproved and had many people around me trying to turn me down, but once I learnt to love myself and to trust me , it was easier to manage these aggressions, and I even profit from this by realizing who it really mattered to me to be part of my life.
I once told my dear younger brother that I understood what he said about everybody loving me and their worries about me, but I would only care about those that could love me and accept me as I was, even if I had different opinions or views. About the rest, I wasn´t interested.

I believe the world is upside down, everyone looks outside, instead of inside, I hate the judgments or critics, who are we to judge? Do we have the absolute knowledge of things? Why we consider ourselves better than others? There are so many questions that come to my mind.
We are just human beings, trying to live in harmony, love and peace. Why is it so difficult to obtain this?

I can assure you that I struggle every day to let myself be free, to look at life without all the layers of standardized concepts that were injected to us since we were born.

Every day is a new one to live, to experiment, to enjoy, to thank, to learn and to give.
Nurture your dreams, yours feelings, your inner voice, your desires and LIVE.

We have this wonderful gift named LIFE. I do not want to waste it away. There are so many greatful things. I will continue with my search of happiness and fulfillment. Now I know I am not alone, I have my circle of trust, my kids that I love, my family that respects me, my friends that laugh with me and do not judge me and the strength to continue even when I fall, because I know I can get right up and step forward with a SMILE.