If The Bridge Starts to Wobble.. Don't Worry!

It doesn’t matter how much you have evolved in your life. There is always so much to acknowledge and to learn from new experiences and outcomes.
I have been mastering myself for many years now, and still I know I have a long road ahead of me. It is funny that sometimes when you think that  everything’s is going right there is a  sudden shift and uncertainty appears.

Last year I had an intense couple of months  filled with changes, new responsibilities and great challenges. Even being  emotionally stable, all these changes I went thought  moved me from my shaft as if a hurricane had passed over me. I felt  lost and it was hard to find my way back to that fine peaceful  equilibrium between mind and body that I once had.

In a two month period I moved my office, I moved my home, I worked abroad for 2 weeks leaving my children at home,  and I got a an additional new job with high expectations placed upon me.

It was too much to handle.

I got distressed, my children suffered my absence and apart from that some night panic and insomnia hit on me. It was awful.  I couldn’t get my stuff together.  My once organized, fulfilling happy life was out of sight.

Being determined in giving the best of me as one of my life rules, I knew that even if we are in total darkness we can  find light and  all the answers and strengths are inside of us. We are capable of making the changes we want for our lives. In chaos possibilities appear.
I could feel that silent inner spirit that seeks certainty, comfort and peace whispering me that everything was going to be fine, I was going to find a way out in order to be in a better place. I trusted that, cause I know that we have to be open to it, aware, listening our intuition and the messages of our body.

In fact that is what it happened, my soul  find a way to express through art .  I have learned that one of my most intense defense mechanisms is the sublimation of emotions, thus being totally stressed, burned out, and lost in my mind, all of that transformed into the desire to share messages of peace and love in drawings. A new window opened. I found myself illustrating every day for hours and little by little I got back on track.

I reorganized my life, made massive changes again and bet on my intelligence and trust in myself that I was going to move forward from this step to get into a new unknown  road where I could make better choices, being more aware to prevent going to far out of my path.

If you are not going through a good period of your life. Do no lose faith! Be Determined and trust in Yourself that you can Move Forward and change whatever is wrong in your life.

What is it that life is trying to teach me today?

One of my my friends in facebook, posted that question today on his timeline. An amazing question, I may say.

I can see that there is a great amount of people learning to live in the NOW, the present moment. Accepting life as it is and letting things flow.   Whatever happens to us has an effect in our lives. Probably we can't see clearly  why things turn as they do, but I am positive that after a while the meanings of our outcomes or situations slowly appear and they are there to teach us something.

As I posted before I see my life as a huge puzzle with loads of  colourful little peaces. At first when don't have a clue what the big picture  is and there is always that cheeky wirdly shapped piece that we cannot fit anywhere.

If  we connect with out emotions and we learn to align our actions, being more and more present in the moment, we will be capable of instantly learn the lessons meant for us.

If we can do this  I am sure that as the course of our lives start shaping up we will be able to sense more clearly the final picture.

May's Way

Yesterday I sang this song at my singing class show. I thought that my Blog is a great place share it, since as you can read in my previous entries, I live my life quite doing it MY WAY !

Live with Intention & Passion. Life is short and if we make the right choices we can really enjoy the experience. I sometimes add a little drama to everything, maybe because I am very emotional and sensitive. Nevertheless, most of the time I am happy, at peace and keeping myself as positive as I can be.

Mariana

Proud Mamma

Since I  remember, on my early childhood years, my ultimate lifetime goal was to have babies. Sweet, chubby, smiley babies I could take care off. 
My room was always congested with all kinds of  plush teddies, dolls and of course an almost look real baby doll, with her own sets of  adorable clothes and accessories such as diaper bags, real diapers I would ask my mom to buy, pacifiers, soft colored blankets and more cute stuff.


I was a  girl pretending to be and adult. Funny to say it now, while looking back, it was not long after that, that I was  jumping into the amazing  and powerful motherhood experience.


Surrounded by maternity and self help books, parental magazines and my natural mother instinct I started raising my children the best I could. It was soon after that I realized that as good as I was with some stuff I was bad with other. Let's face it, we are not, and never will be perfect machines.


I loved it. All of it. The cramps, indigestion, kicks, heartburn, my tummy getting bigger , I getting bigger, the ultrasounds, breast feeding, Gerber food, baby Mozart, sleeping next to my babies, their smiles and the crying. Just being a MOM was the best gift ever! 


Life got complicated, as usual, and  despite my great sorrow and contradiction in my heart, my status changed from a somehow desperate housewife, to single working mom. A big shift let me tell you.  I had so much guilt. All I wanted was to raise my  babies, being a present mom, and now I had to leave my children all day long to be able to  feed them.  


Eventually I managed to prove myself that a woman can just be an incredible mother despite being several hours away from home. I had great quality time with both my boys and I always tried to be happy with myself and my life because I knew that if I was happy, they were going to be happy as well.


Many pages have been turned in the book of my life. Moments of great joy, and sad situations have come and gone, but the most essential change was my shift in consciousness. A complete new beginning for me and therefore, for my children.


The new methodology of home teachings, our deep and sincere conversations, and  the conscious and unconscious messages that irrupted from me, made my children more aware, more present.. and finally, more conscious as well.


At times, I would feel scared that my new way of seeing the world and all that I transmitted my children about life and the corrupted standards of society I now disliked, would somehow affect their everyday life, especially with their peers and at school. Well, my fears were right, It did a bit. But as time went by, and I started observing my children and listening to their arguments, their own thoughts and questionings, I came to the conclusion that I had to be at peace with these fears, I just had to keep being myself as a mom, and as a person. With time they would choose their own path, with the right resources to cope with this world.


I am tremendously proud of both my children. They might not be straight 'As.. the opposite actually and surely they make many mistakes and get on my nerves many times. But they are caring, emotional, aware of injustice, smiley , humorous, relaxed,affectionate, with a warm heart,  very supportive and above all they want to follow their heart and be true to themselves.


Yep. I am Proud Mamma with a real smile in my face. 


**Thank you Sebastian and Nicolas for being so lovely.**

Tasty Love Thoughts Salad

That is  my mind at the moment.

There is so much I want to write about, but somehow I don't find the way to get it all in order, sit down and  put into words all my thoughts.

So, here is a BIG TASTY Salad of miscellaneous love thoughts that come all the way from my warm heart,  my soul and my tangled just waked up mind.

I have been trying to explain to myself why  I feel this deep love for someone I have loved already for some time now and no word could describe my feeling . Any phrase I pronounced in my self talk didn't do any justice to the feeling itself. Imagine that, If I cannot even know how to express it to myself,  how could I explain others or even my beloved?

Then of course, Love doesn't need to be explained or labeled into a nice cute sentence. LOVE is about feelings, LOVE is about thoughts and LOVE is about actions.


 I decided to shift my concern, and think that being able to experience Love at such intensity is the best thing that could happen to me. Knowing I can love deeply makes me smile. I am  full of Love. I cannot keep it to myself, I need to share it, and find the way to let it  flow out of me.


We all Love in different ways, that, I have observed, and so I came to the conclusion that if someone loves me in a different way, it is not worse or  better, It is just different.

Love can not be purchased. Love can not be bargained. Love is not selfish and love doesn't look the other way.
Love expands by itself. It is not tangible. Love has no borders, no terms, no obligations. It just emerges from within, fills up your heart, numbs your mind, and fires up your heart.

It's language is far more advanced than any scientific mind can explain. It is about a silent connection of souls.

Reading what I just spontaneously wrote, made me want to write a love song.. I should try and do that!!!

 LOVE DEEPLY!

Mariana

The Lonely bug

We can either chose to be alone or be surrounded by lots of people. It is a choice we are able to make. This doesn't mean that in any of these scenarios we will necessarily be happy and feel accompanied.

We may feel lonely even when we belong to a group of friends that always stick together, or live in the nest of a home welcoming family.

Solitude is a much deeper feeling that visit us uninvited from within.

We self talk ourselves that maybe we are not comprehended or  we make excuses saying that we are conditioned by some kind of innate craziness. We expect to much of  others and we end up disappointed by them. So then, we just let go of those relationships little by little without saying much. Still, loneliness lurks.

What are our options to avoid this emptiness of feeling the pain of being the Lonely Bug? These are some of my  personal suggestions:

- Love Yourself: When you are at peace with your own self and you enjoy your own company, you probably will never feel lonely again.


"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." Oscar Wilde


- Don't Expect from Others: When you expect and then you don't receive what you have expected, this can be really disappointing, thus, the relationship will automatically be affected. We need to learn that we are all different creatures, we came form different experiences, and we see reality with our own filters. It is narrow minded to believe that we will all see things with the same perspective.

" Anger always comes from frustrated expectations" Elliot Larson


- Don't Be Attached: When you are attached to something or someone, you depend on that to fulfill your own needs. By doing this you enable something external to control your own life.Inner harmony can only be reach only when you are free from attachment.

"Grasping at things can only yield one of two results:
Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear.
It is only a matter of which occurs first." Goenka


- Dedicate Time to your hobbies: When you have a hobby or practice and activity with passion, time reference will never be the same. It is one of the best ways to fill in spare time! Many times we leave on the side those things we love the most because we do not have the time or the money to spend. Well, if we quit in our own passions, nothing else will matter and in the end we will feel upset, lonely and disappointed with our own life.
 If you do not know what's your passion yet.. GO AND LOOK FOR IT ASAP!

I find these rules useful to my life, and I consider that if we accomplish my first suggestion, the rest will fall into place...


If you feel a Lonely Bug, well.. that could be somehow great if you find a way to see the beauty in it!

And So it is...

that Life gives us and takes from us on a regular basis. Nothing is completely perfect and it is a challenge to be happy, to feel joyful and grateful every day in spite of the bad things that happen to us.

The way I believe we should walk through  life is by being our own self, connecting with our emotions, getting to know what drive us, what our vulnerabilities and our values are.  Loving ourselves and stop expecting we depend on external things to be happy.

We have everything we need inside of us.