Since I remember, on my early childhood years, my ultimate lifetime goal was to have babies. Sweet, chubby, smiley babies I could take care off.
My room was always congested with all kinds of plush teddies, dolls and of course an almost look real baby doll, with her own sets of adorable clothes and accessories such as diaper bags, real diapers I would ask my mom to buy, pacifiers, soft colored blankets and more cute stuff.
I was a girl pretending to be and adult. Funny to say it now, while looking back, it was not long after that, that I was jumping into the amazing and powerful motherhood experience.
Surrounded by maternity and self help books, parental magazines and my natural mother instinct I started raising my children the best I could. It was soon after that I realized that as good as I was with some stuff I was bad with other. Let's face it, we are not, and never will be perfect machines.
I loved it. All of it. The cramps, indigestion, kicks, heartburn, my tummy getting bigger , I getting bigger, the ultrasounds, breast feeding, Gerber food, baby Mozart, sleeping next to my babies, their smiles and the crying. Just being a MOM was the best gift ever!
Life got complicated, as usual, and despite my great sorrow and contradiction in my heart, my status changed from a somehow desperate housewife, to single working mom. A big shift let me tell you. I had so much guilt. All I wanted was to raise my babies, being a present mom, and now I had to leave my children all day long to be able to feed them.
Eventually I managed to prove myself that a woman can just be an incredible mother despite being several hours away from home. I had great quality time with both my boys and I always tried to be happy with myself and my life because I knew that if I was happy, they were going to be happy as well.
Many pages have been turned in the book of my life. Moments of great joy, and sad situations have come and gone, but the most essential change was my shift in consciousness. A complete new beginning for me and therefore, for my children.
The new methodology of home teachings, our deep and sincere conversations, and the conscious and unconscious messages that irrupted from me, made my children more aware, more present.. and finally, more conscious as well.
At times, I would feel scared that my new way of seeing the world and all that I transmitted my children about life and the corrupted standards of society I now disliked, would somehow affect their everyday life, especially with their peers and at school. Well, my fears were right, It did a bit. But as time went by, and I started observing my children and listening to their arguments, their own thoughts and questionings, I came to the conclusion that I had to be at peace with these fears, I just had to keep being myself as a mom, and as a person. With time they would choose their own path, with the right resources to cope with this world.
I am tremendously proud of both my children. They might not be straight 'As.. the opposite actually and surely they make many mistakes and get on my nerves many times. But they are caring, emotional, aware of injustice, smiley , humorous, relaxed,affectionate, with a warm heart, very supportive and above all they want to follow their heart and be true to themselves.
Yep. I am Proud Mamma with a real smile in my face.
**Thank you Sebastian and Nicolas for being so lovely.**